This is the almost famous "Ask Aunt Martha" herpes advice column. Ask a herpes question, get a herpes answer. Discreet and confidential herpes help and advice.

Questions and comments to Aunt Martha are below, but first, here are some very helpful and encouraging websites. Because there is so much here to help you, it is suggested you bookmark and save this page in your favorites.

Herpes Legal Comments
Herpes and Childbirth
Herpes article, "It's Not the End of the World" gives hope.
Herpes Dating. Find a date, find romance.
How to tell somone you have herpes.
Herpes Pictures. Do you have sores that look like this?
FIVE free Herpes articles.
The HERPES HERBS. They really do end herpes outbreaks.
Herpes Blog comments, click HERE .



You can watch a funny herpes movie above. It is about Juliet telling Romeo she has herpes. Entertaining and informative too.
 
More herpes help is added to this page regularly. If you want to help others with herpes, you can tell them about this page. To help even more people, you can search on google for "herpes forums", "herpes support blogs" and the like, and write a short note there, and in your note include the address to this site which is:
www.herpesadvice.org

By helping others, we help ourselves to feel better too.

You can email questions about herpes to Aunt Martha.  Email to ASK AUNT MARTHA.

Some questions will be answered here. Other answers to herpes questions are sent to you directly by email. You can request that your question not be posted here if you wish. You can also ask questions on the herpes advice blog site, link below.

This week's questions:

Dear Aunt Martha,

I am concerned about passing the herpes zoster along through shedding. I have heard that we can pass the herpes disease even if we are not having an actual herpes outbreak. The only helpful thing I found on the net was to use a condom, but that was not that comforting to me. Any help or comments appreciated.

                                                                                                 Thanks, Roger.

Dear Roger,

That is something that concerns us all, me included. I have researched viral shedding a lot, and here is what I have learned. First, it seems that medical researchers cannot easily determine exactly when viral shedding is orrcuring, except during an outbreak, which is obvious. To know when it is occuring at other times, the medical researchers would have to do daily tests, even if there are no outbreaks, for a long time without interruption. I have not heard of such research, though perhaps it has been done. (If any readers know, please tell me.)

It seems most likely that viral shedding of the herpes simplex virus starts to occur before an outbreak, and then during an outbreak of course, and then for a while after the outbreak. If one doesn't have outbreaks, or even have an "almost outbreak", then viral shedding is less likely to happen. (An "almost outbreak" might be defined as getting  symptoms that are so mild that they are probably not noticed, and definitely not bothersome, and which may seem just like a very slight irritation which is passed off as being a heat rash or something.)

From the research I have done, it seems that there are 3 factors involved in infecting someone else. First, it is the QUANTITY or AMOUNT of the virus. From the above it can be surmised that there are times when the quantity or amount of the herpes simplex virus is relatively small. The second factor is the STRENGTH of the virus. The virus is in in a weakened condition, actually dying, when it does not have support to keep it alive. For instance, the virus can stay alive on a towel used by someone who has herpes, but it is getting weaker by the minute once it is deposited there. The third factor is the RESISTANCE of the other person. If that person has a very strong immune system, then they are less likely to get it. (For comparison, you probably know some lucky people with naturally strong immune systems who don't get the flu when everyone else is getting it.)

Myself, I take the HERPES HERBS mentioned on this page, and I don't have outbreaks. I had a long term partner who took the herpes herbs along with me, and in over 3 years did not become infected. Coincidence? It is probably impossible to prove one way or the other, but I truly believe the herbs were the reason I did not pass the virus along.

Having said all of this, I need to always remind the readers of this herpes advice column that I am not a doctor, and these are my thoughts only, and may not be the same as some medical authorities.
                                                                                              Best wishes, Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

Can 2 people who are both infected with HSV-2 enjoy a normal sexual relationship? We have just been diagnosed and he is concerned about having to live a sexless life because we will always have to be wondering who is shedding the virus and will we transmit sores to other places on the body and all that good stuff. I'm not as concerned with having the virus as I am with keeping this relationship together. Also, do you know of any over the counter herpes remedy.

Zena

Dear Zena,

It is possible for you and your partner to enjoy a good sexual relationship. Notice I used the word "good", instead of "normal". You are past being able to have a "normal" sex life. (What's "normal" anyway?)

With precautions, you can certainly have an active sex life, and not worry about transmitting sores to other places. I suggest you read "The Complete, No Drug, Herpes Relief Program", which you can order online, or get free with the Herpes Herbs.  It has a great deal of information regarding this.

My intuition is telling me that your partner may actually have other concerns about your relationship, which do not relate to herpes. It may be a good time for both of you to look inward, and do some serious relationship work. You can start with books on this topic, and then seek out relationships workshops and possibly some couples counselling. Reassure your partner that you will not have to live sexless lives. The best thing is to learn how to prevent herpes outbreaks. You may find an over the counter herpes remedy that will help speed up the healing after the herpes symptom has appeared, but prevention is the best remedy.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Aunt Martha

Last week's question:

Dear Aunt Martha

I've had HSVII for 10 years, and two days ago, I found out it's now in my eye. My alternatives are small. My doctor suggested I start taking steroid eye drops, but the down side is: a) for at "least" 2 years, and b) it changed my natural immune system so I can not fight it on my own. I haven't been able to find ANY information with regard to this. Only thing I've seen is Chickenpox in the eye, but not HSVII. If you have any information, suggestions, know anything, I would really appreciate help. I do not want to go blind, literally, and figuratively.

Kate

Dear Kate,

I can relate to your fears. A few years ago, I had unexplained sore eyes, and my vision became slightly blurred. I felt panicky and afraid, and feared I had somehow infected my eyes. It turned out to be OK, but I know what it feels like. This was before I knew of any herbs etc. to strengthen the immune system, and fight infection.

Now, SPEAKING FOR MYSELF, I would be willing to do almost ANYTHING, if I were in your position. First, seek immediate medical attention from an opthomologist. I have heard from a writer to this site that steroid eyedrops will compromise the immune system, and herpes lesions will be worse. So if these are prescribed to you, you may want to get a second opinion, or even a third opinion. This is something I don't know about for sure, as I am not a doctor.

And there's more that you can do.......this is non-doctor advice, but it's what I would do if I were in your position. Taking the following action can't hurt, and it just MAY make a difference:

Immedietly stop using caffeing, tobacco, food additives (read ALL labels!) junk food. Avoid sunlight, including tanning beds, fatigue, stress, overwork. Get lots of sleep. Take garlic capsules, and the herbs offered on a link from the herpes blog.

I can't guarantee this will work. I don't know. But I know that I'd sure do it.

Love, Aunt Martha

Some previous questions:

Dear Aunt Martha,

Help! I cannot find any consistent information on whether genital herpes can cause miscarriage. I had an outbreak at about 9 weeks and miscarried at 12 weeks. I know I'll never know definitively why I miscarried, but I've heard enough conflicting information about herpes & miscarriage that I'm very confused and concerned about what I should/should not do in the future once pregnant again. Can you advise or refer me to any sound reference material? I've already talked to 3 MD's and heard 3 different stories. I also want to learn more about oral herpes, and if you can tell me where I can find a herpes picture.

Beth

Dear Beth,

I don't think herpes in itself can cause a miscarriage. But I do know that stress, and negative thoughts and emotions can cause physiological reactions. You would certainly be experiencing stress, being pregnant, and worrying about giving birth with herpes. This is very understandable.

The care and treatment of oral herpes is the same as for any genital herpes treatment. You can find a herpes picture on the link at the top of this page.

I suggest the following: Continue to educate yourself as much as you can, regarding childbirth and herpes. (search the net...there's lots out there) Also, learn some meditation techniques, and practice meditation at least twice a day. There are "stress buster" tapes that you can buy to help in this regard. Perhaps get help from a hypnotherapist, relating to any possible negative thoughts you may have about giving birth under these circumstances. (These thoughts may be subconscious.....and you may not be aware of them at a conscious level.) And lastly, practice good health, especially as it relates to herpes. No alcohol, tobacco, junk food, caffeine, etc. Use herbs to keep your immune system strong, so you are not likely to have an outbreak at the time of birth. I know you are going through a lot, and it's not easy. I will say a little prayer for you.

Love, Aunt Martha

Dear Aunt Martha,

I've had female herpes for just over a year. A few months ago I started using some herbs I saw advertised on the net, and have experienced a lot of relief. I now feel ready to start looking for a relationship again, but am worried about rejection when I tell a potential partner. Basically, I am lonely, confused, worried, and scared about telling someone else, and don't know what to do. What should I do?

Sue J., Ft. Lauderdale FL

Dear Sue,

Well, I certainly know how you feel! I've been there and know the feeling well. About the tape, I've had people tell me they liked it and found it helpful. You should also have some informative literature for your new potential partner to read when the time is right. Such literature can probably explain things better than you can, especially when you are in a worried frame of mind. Let me tell you about how I handled it one time.

I had dated this guy for a while, and was wanting to get intimate, (and knew that he was too) but I was also fearing rejection when I told him. On a romantic night when it was starting to happen, I blurted out that I had herpes, but it wasn't that bad, and I had something he could read that would explain it all.  He read it, (actually he read only certain parts of it) and then put it down and smiled. He then held me close, and kissed me. We were in bed a few minutes later. I can't speak for anyone else, and I don't pretend that it is always that easy. But the point is: Educate yourself, and have some educational material on hand to bring out at the right time. Good luck! Female herpes is the same as male herpes, or herpes on the penis by the way.

Aunt Martha

And please note: I am not a doctor. Anything you read here should not be considered medical advice. Consult with your doctor for medical advice. You can also get lots of answers from the herpes blog.

I don't know everything about life, or everything about herpes, but I know this: We are not just physical beings. There is a part of us which is spiritual, and a part of us which is emotional too. And all three parts are connected. The main thing most people are concerned with when they first get herpes, is healing physicaly. They want the outbreaks to stop.

They usually don't want to hear about anything emotional or spiritual. But I have found that for us to heal physicaly, we have to do some emotional and spiritual healing too. This involves releasing the stored up anger we usually have about getting herpes. This can involve anger towards the person who gave us herpes, anger towards God, or the world or anything else. There is almost surely anger of some kind involved. Releasing this anger is necessary for our emotional well being. Ways of dealing with this anger are available through various therapy methods. You can find help with releasing anger by looking for workshops and therapists that specialize in this. It will also be helpful to find a support group which deals with herpes.

Spiritual healing involves forgiveness. Eventually, you will come to a place where you will feel OK about forgiving the one who gave you herpes. This does not mean you have to like them, or want to be with them anymore. It just means that you understand they too are human, and imperfect like you and me. And they make mistakes, and sometimes they let their passions rule them, just like we all do. You may want to do some work on forgiving yourself too. Perhaps you feel guilt or shame about getting herpes. Perhaps you think it was something you deserved, or that it is punishment for something you have done. When you get over this, and forgive the other person, and yourself, you will feel much better physicaly as well as emotionally. Finding a herpes support group (or starting one yourself) will be of great help here. Physical healing then follows a lot easier.

AM

 To prevent herpes outbreaks, CLICK HERE.

A herpes story.
By Kasandra G, age 19.

The first in a series of herpes stories inspired by people with herpes who found help and hope by using the "Special Herbs".

I started having sex with my uncle at an age when I was totally immature and vulnerable to anyone who treated me nice. I was an only child, and my parents both worked. They never seemed to be around when I needed them and I felt alone a lot.

My uncle Ray was 25, and he was fun to be around. He never forced me to have sex with him. What he did was he would take me out to places like movies or the zoo, and he knew how to make me laugh. Sometimes he would give me a beer. It was one time after I had 3 or 4 beer that I had sex with him. He convinced me that it was OK to do so, and I believed him. After we had sex a few times I was hooked on the pleasure I was getting, and I wanted it a lot. We had regular sex for almost a year until he had to move away. (He was in the army.)

After that, I started having sex with older boys at school, and in a few months I had at least 25 partners. A few days after my 15th birthday, I found out I had herpes.

I was so discouraged and depressed about this. I thought of killing myself. I stopped having sex with boys when I discovered vibrators. I knew this was not a good solution, but it was all I knew what to do. I looked on the internet for herpes cures, and I tried a few. I bought vitamins and I tried other vitamin type products which I found in drug stores. Nothing worked very well, and I would still be thinking about killing myself. This went on for a couple of years.

Then one day I saw a website for a herpes product which sounded good, and I bought some. From that company I also got lots of other help for herpes, including information on dating and relationships. It made a hug difference. Actually it changed my whole life and I didn't feel suicidal any more. I learned more about relationships from the net and started dating boys but not jumping into bed with them right away. I call this product my "Special Herbs".

Kasandra G.

For a website with all kinds of herpes information, CLICK HERE

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